Euphemisms

I was surfing through the blogs that I read today, catching up on posts that I missed, and I came across this in the comment section of one of Ren Kat’s (Sidestepping Real) posts: “I always thought "intriguing" means "I don't quite get it". . .”

That’s something I always thought, too. Well, actually, that’s not quite true. I didn’t always think that until Ren said it, at which point in time I realised I always thought that.

It’s a word like “interesting.” Opening a Christmas present. It’s an elegant replica of a famous statue that you never really thought was quite all that. It matches nothing in any of your rooms, and it serves no useful purpose, and you didn’t even think the original was very beautiful. Are you going to say that? Of course not. It’s “interesting.” Perhaps “different.”

It’s like “I know.” You’ve known a friend, maybe for years; from church, from work, via another friend, whatever; male or female as the case may be. She tells you what she wants you to know about her. You tell him what you want him to know about you. You do stuff together. You like the friend. And then, platonic though the friendship is, the friend says “I love you.” And that’s when you’re supposed to say “I love you, too.” But you don’t. To you, the friendship is not all that far past utility. So you say “I know.”

Or maybe you say “I love you, too” and that’s your euphemism for “I don’t love you, but I don’t want to hurt you by telling you that.”

And there’s, “What’s the matter?” Tell me so that I can get out of this awkward situation as fast as possible.

“I’d rather not talk about it.” Stop snooping and get the hell out of my life.

“I’m fine.” I have a shit life at the moment, but I don’t want to seem pathetic whining to you about it.

Except there’s also “I’m fine.” I’m at the top of my game, things could not be better, but I’ll seem like a big-headed boasting prick if I tell you about it, plus I know things aren’t that great for you so it seems insensitive to be so happy.

I always wondered if it really would hurt that badly, of course, if euphemisms were dropped. You can always tell when they’re in use. You give someone a present that’s deemed “interesting.” Of course they don’t like it. Couldn’t that be said? So did you like your present? “I don’t like it all that much, sorry.” Why not? “Because it’s useless/ugly/whatever.” And then you’d know what to get next time, that they would like.

But no one can say that on opening a present. It’s too selfish. You got them a present, and they didn’t like it, and they said so? Horrors! Even if they say they appreciate the thought (a very good euphemism, except that in my case it’s true and now I can’t use the phrase because it’s a common euphemism) they obviously didn’t really, or they wouldn’t have criticised it.

But anyway.

Today, I’m going to tell you that I haven’t blogged recently because “I’ve been busy.” This is my euphemism for “I think I’ll sound like a whiner if I say what was really holding me up, because I know people, even some who read this, who have it so much worse.”

But I am all right, were you wondering, and I am back. It’s good to be alive.